Poison Ivy: 13


“So, uhhh… how is this working exactly?”

Ye of little faith, my dear Juniper. Ye of little faith.


“And you’re sure that it’s… I don’t know… necessary?”

Not necessary, per se, but you were the one who kidnapped Joaquin without getting pregnant first. I’m not in the mood to wait for him to die before we make another baby, and we can’t risk him escaping while we’re out hunting.


“So Noelle is the solution… how?”

You’ll see. It’ll work, I swear. You already knew her, so you didn’t need to leave the house to invite her over.

“And where do I know her from?

I’m honestly not sure, but her contact was in your phone, so I’m going with it. Just flirt with her, Juniper, and stop asking so many questions.


“Yeah, yeah. I know my job.”

That’s a weird amount of attitude from my one and beloved baby mama. She’s my Chosen—it’s kind of surprising that this is what made her start taking a tone with me. Then again, I guess this is a little farther than I’ve gone before, and requires a good deal of trust without any explanation.

Mostly because I don’t actually know if its going to work.

But it’s really not that complicated. I’m the Creator. I’m a bringer of life. I can generate life between any two people—it’s basically in my job description to be able to do so. So why does she doubt me?


“Maybe because it completely challenges what I expected to be possible? Noelle is female by gender, and has a vagina and uterus and ovaries. But we don’t need to talk about how I’m going to make a baby from two eggs—I trust you. Let me just work my magic on Noelle.”

Ugh… the attitude.

But Juniper’s right. Probably. I have been a little… hover-y, haven’t I. A little over-involved. I mean, really, why did I need this to happen so quickly after she had Daphne? Why couldn’t we wait for Joaquin to die before getting pregnant again?

Because I’m a Creator, and the children in this house are out of control, and I have control issues, so I need to control something?

Nah, that can’t be it.


Definitely not.


At least you move quickly, Juniper. The kitchen isn’t exactly the bedroom, but by the look on Noelle’s face you’re moving in the right direction.


“Of course I’m moving in the right direction. How many times have I done this now? I know how to seduce a sperm—egg?—donor.”

I appreciate your efforts, Juniper, but you can stop it with the attitude now.


“Oh, for the love of—look what you made me do! You were hovering, and I wasn’t focused, and she rejected me. I’ve got to get this back under control quick.”

…Dammit. If you weren’t so damn arrogant—

I’ll wait for that diatribe. I guess she does need to focus.

But really, where did she learn to be so arrogant and confident and sassy? Where did any of them learn it? Except for Nightshade—who, to be fair, I haven’t talked to directly in a while, so can’t for certain say—the children are little balls of sass and backtalk. One could say that it’s just how children are, but… all of them? Aren’t some of them sweet sometimes?

Children learn by example, of course. Maybe it’s someone at school. I’d say that it’s their mother, with the way she’s been talking to me today, but she hasn’t always been like this. Maybe she’s taking it from the children, it’s just some reciprocal run around of ever increasing sass?


“Of course not, Creator dearest. They learned it from you. Children learn by example, and you are by far the most highly praised and most frequent authority in this house. They don’t know how to respect something as powerful as you yet—they attempt to do so by imitating your behaviors.”


They should worship me by obeying me, not by imitating me. Do as I say, not as I do.

“Or, perhaps, instead of being a hypocrite, you could try being a better example?”

Where would be the fun in that, Juniper my dear? Where would be the fun it that?


“It’d certainly make raising them easier.”

Oh, I don’t doubt that. And it would probably make for better members of my parish later on. But I am what I am—I am a Creator, and I change for no one, especially not my own worshippers. Just teach them better.


“You know what? Let’s have this conversation later. Again, I’m busy.”

Yeah, yeah, I’d like to see you actually getting busy, if you know what I mean. Right now it just looks like you’re standing around wasting your time.



There she goes.


And there they really go! I guess once Noelle lets her guard down, she really lets her guard down.

Good job, Juniper.


“I’m pregnant again. I don’t entirely understand, but I guess I’m happy.”

Double good job, then.

“Hey, Creator?”

Yeah, hun?

“I am sorry for addressing you with disrespect. It was uncalled for, and I was just lashing out against you due to the stress of the situation. I’ll try to keep it from happening again.”

Thank you, Juniper. Perhaps try passing on those kinds of thoughts to your children as well?

“As much as the disrespect was uncalled for, I don’t necessarily think the comments were incorrect. They do imitate you. It’s the only way they know how to serve you, given that they are without any particular directive. They don’t have so much as a moral code or a set of rituals. So they’re doing the best they can.”

They can do better.

“If you show them what to do, then I’m sure they can.”

Bah. We’ll see.

Anyway, you’ve got bigger stuff to worry about, Juniper. Did you forget to lock the door?

“What door?”


“Where did Noelle go? Did she leave?”

Not exactly.


I think she’s hyperventilating. Joaquin is begging for help.

“Shit shit shit shit shit.”

Yep. This isn’t the best thing that’s ever happened.

“What do I do?? She’ll tell? She’ll get me arrested! Like, prison arrested!”

Eh, probably not. I told you to.

“You know what the law does when you tell them you killed people because a god told you to? They double incarcerate you! Prison level accommodations, but in a hospital. I’ll be institutionalized.”

Oh, calm down. Noelle doesn’t have a lot of friends. Why else would she come to the house of someone she barely knows who called her up on a Saturday night? You know what you have to do—you’d have to do it eventually anyway.


“…They won’t be able to help each other escape, will they?”

Nah. Probably not. Joaquin’s too weak, I think, and Noelle’s a skinny little thing. Plus that fence is pretty high.

Yeah, it’s unlikely.


Oh, wow, that was quick. Yeah, very unlikely. She must have been exhausted from all that baby making.

“Oh my goodness, I’m a horrible person. She could have lived a little longer. No reason she had to die right now.”

Yeah, but she’d have to die later.

“Sure, but not right now. If only I’d locked the door…”

We live and learn. I bet you’ll remember better next time.



The Reaper disapproves of me, I think.

“We’re all going to hell. Untimely deaths await us, where the Reaper will torture us in fire.”

Nah, I think he’d be more likely to drown us. But we’re not dying any sort of untimely death—the sacrifices prevent that. Calm down.


Besides, I don’t think this Reaper will be much of a problem for us for much longer anyway.

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