1.8: Consequences

I awoke the next morning, Jalen in the bed beside me, mostly unclothed, in a complete panic. Oh, by the Creator, what had I done?

03-20-16_5-46-15 PM

Jane: “Oh, trashcan, what did I do?? Jimmy, what did I DO??”

Jalen was still asleep, and so was not there to experience the full extent of my panic. But, Janie, let me tell you, I was terrified. I had only a little more than 100 simoleons in my bank account, I could barely feed myself, I was still trying to kick-start my career. And now I could be pregnant.

Thankfully, once Jalen woke, he left fairly swiftly. I probably should have been annoyed that he left without so much as a goodbye. But, at the moment, I didn’t notice the slight. I was panicking, dammit!

03-20-16_5-47-10 PM
Jalen “Thanks for a good time *wink*”

Jalen: “Thanks for a good time” *wink*

I forced myself to sit on the bed, to relax, to calm down. Panic wasn’t going to help anything. I probably wasn’t even pregnant. You couldn’t get pregnant from one time, right? And not the first time, certainly?? Surely evolution had planned for the poor decisions of young adults…

Yes, I decided. I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. I might as well go about my day as if nothing is different.

But I couldn’t make myself behave normally. As hard as I tried to sit down at the computer, to breathe, to write something, I couldn’t make myself. Writing wouldn’t make that much extra money right now, I reminded myself. You’re not good enough at it yet. What if I need extra money?? Not for a baby, of course, I’m not pregnant. But… for… something??

I went to eat at the park. I found some leftovers on the table-I didn’t want to pay to make fresh food. What if I needed that money? And the food wasn’t spoiled, there was no reason to waste it.

03-20-16_5-49-14 PM

Jane: “No, my child would NOT look cute playing on those monkey bars.”

03-20-16_5-49-20 PM

Jane: “Because I don’t have a child. And I’m not going to. I’m not pregnant!”

03-20-16_6-31-36 PM

Jane: “Is there money in here? Please tell me there’s money.”

03-20-16_6-32-47 PM

Jane: “This looks like a good spot for money to hide…”

03-20-16_6-33-25 PM

Jane: “What about here… ANOTHER LEAF FROG??? DANG IT!”

There were plenty of places to find frogs, but I couldn’t manage to find any rocks or dirt piles. The big money was all HIDING from me, and I was getting very frustrated. And frantic again. I knew I needed to relax, so I sat down to play a game of chess.

03-20-16_6-21-28 PM

Jane: “Knight to E4. I wonder what kind of knight costumes they make? My child would look adorable dressed up as a knight for Halloween…”

Jane: “STOP IT JANE.”

But, sitting there in the middle of the park, studiously trying not to think of children and my future child and the child that could be in my belly right now, I caught sight of something.

I couldn’t look away. I walked over, sat at a bench across from it, and just stared.

03-20-16_5-56-08 PM

Jane: “I would love to bring a child to play here…”

Jane: “Oh, Creator, I’m probably pregnant, aren’t I.”

I couldn’t force myself to pretend it wasn’t happening any longer. It was. It could be happening. I had to acknowledge that I could be pregnant.

I went to find a pregnancy test.

03-20-16_6-35-21 PM

Jane: “Just have to wait for the stick to turn…”

03-20-16_6-35-22 PM

Jane: “It says…”

When I got the results, I didn’t feel the urge to panic anymore. I smiled, unable to stop myself from feeling joy. It would be difficult. I still had no idea how I would support a baby, how I would so much as afford a crib and a teddy bear. But we would make it work. Because I wouldn’t have to be alone anymore-I would have my baby. I would have a family.

After a moment, however, I started to feel the edge of terror creep up on me again. Not because I was pregnant. Not because I was starting a family. But because, now, I would have to tell Jalen.

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