1.6: New Hope?

03-19-16_4-04-51 PM

Jane: “UGH. What even is my life anymore?”

I awoke that morning in an understandably horrible mood. I had been turned down three times in the last two days, I was tired, I was sore, and I reeked of bar and booze. In my despair, I hadn’t even bothered to take a shower last night.

If I had had any different of a life-if I had not been born into adversity, into challenges, into rejection, I likely would have dwelled on my thoughts for the rest of the day, wallowing in my sadness and my stench. Instead, I made myself pull myself together. So, they didn’t want me. So f-ing what? Nobody did. And though I would always try as hard as I possibly could to make them, for today, it was only me who had to live myself. Only me who had to like me. And part of that was ridding myself of this dreadful stench.

03-19-16_4-05-33 PM

Jane: “Ahhh. Much better.”

I hadn’t yet decided what to do with my day. My confidence from the day before had gone down the drain, not only where my romantic life was concerned, but also just the general state of my finances. I needed more money, and quickly. Clearly, that wouldn’t make people like me, but perhaps if I had nice clothes to show off, like Don, or a hefty inheritance to live off of, like cowboy Darion… Maybe that would give me a better chance.

So I set about making myself some money.

Now, I was still quite dedicated to becoming a writer. That has never changed, over the course of my life, except for a few months while I was pregnant with you (I was too wide to sit at the desk and reach the keyboard). But, at this moment in my life, I could no longer fool myself-writing was not a career in which you could make money quickly. That only came with time, with notoriety, and with practice. So what could you make money quickly with?

I already knew the answer. Collecting.

I wasted no time in walking to the nearest park.

03-19-16_4-15-40 PM

Jane: “Oh, jackpot!”

03-19-16_4-15-41 PM

Jane: “Another one? What luck!”

03-19-16_4-15-55 PM

Jane: “Look, here’s something!”

03-19-16_4-16-40 PM

Jane: “I am so tired of digging up rocks to survive…”

The park in Oasis Springs was practically a gold mine. Mounds of dirt everywhere, and even a good number of plants-they hadn’t produced fruit yet, but they would in time.

But my favorite part of Desert Bloom Park? The community center. It was the first thing to cheer me up all day.

03-19-16_4-19-06 PM

Jane: “This is my new favorite place! It’s like the library, but better! Because it has fewer people, of course. And a FIREPLACE. So fancy.”

It was there and then that settled one of my obsessions you mock me most for, Janie darling. My fireplaces. All those fireplaces that we have around our house and the shop-it’s because of the community center in Desert Bloom. I fell in love with it the moment I laid eyes on it.

But that’s beside the point. The POINT is that I got a nice amount of money from digging up all this random junk. Though I still felt dejected and lonely, at least I could comfort myself in the fact that I was bettering myself so that people would like me more? Or maybe it was just that I had money, and money is nice… Either way, I was slightly cheered up by my haul.

03-19-16_4-21-08 PM

Jane: “These doll things are so strange. They creep  me out…”

03-19-16_4-21-54 PM

Jane: “Now, these are pretty! If I weren’t so strapped for cash, I’d keep them!”

03-19-16_4-22-23 PM

Jane: “Oh, froggy frog. Jimmy would really like a friend, but… Money.”

03-19-16_4-22-30 PM

Jane: “This is a fossil. Fossils are boring as fuck, but apparently are worth something.”

Despite my love of the community center, I loved cash more. I couldn’t wait to see what I could do with my home with this kind of money-over 1000 simoleons!

03-19-16_11-38-02 PM

Jane: “I bought a computer! No more tensing up in the library for me, man!”

The computer was a god-send. That cheered me up. Halfway. And for none of the right reasons. I figured, in the moment, that guys probably liked girls who owned computers better. Because they were probably smarter and more put together, and then guys could use it when they came over or something… But I was certain that a computer wasn’t likely to get me any attention. I was the problem, I was certain. And buying my fancy new objects only made me more convinced that no amount of money, or fancy clothes, or material things, could make a man like me.

I went back to the bar. This time, to drown my sorrows and the remains of my savings in drinks.

03-20-16_12-06-03 AM

Jane: “Cheers, buddy. I hope you’re having a better day (better life) than I am…”

03-20-16_12-05-46 AM

Jalen: “I’m sure it’ll look up soon enough. You want to talk about it?”

I made small talk with the bartender, Jalen, while I stuffed down handful after handful of chips. You know how much of a stress eater I am, Janie. And when I eat, I don’t pay much attention to what I’m saying. Especially after I’ve had a little to drink on top of it.

03-20-16_12-06-41 AM

Jane: “I just… why do all men seem to hate me??”

03-20-16_12-07-09 AM

Jane: “It all started when my parents ditched me in foster care…”

03-20-16_12-07-13 AM

Jane: “And now I’m completely socially inept, and even THIS woman witting to FUCKING CLOSE to me gives me MAJOR anxiety-”

03-20-16_12-07-18 AM

Jane: “Why doesn’t anybody love me???”

03-20-16_12-07-48 AM

Jalen: “I don’t know what those jackwagons are doing, turning you down. You seem pretty great to me!”

03-20-16_12-04-44 AM

Jane: “This… might sound crazy, after all the stuff I just said… but… would you maybe want to go out sometime?”

Jalen: “This might sound crazy, after all the stuff you just said, but… yeah. I think I would.”

Alright, so I was drunk. Big time drunk. And maybe that’s how I snagged him. Maybe that social skill, buried so deep down inside me, was released by one too many Sweet and Spicys. But whatever the reason for his acquiescence, I went home that night flying high (that was definitely largely influenced by the alcohol). I had gotten a date. A real date. With a cute guy! He was charming, and smart, and a foodieso he had some creativity to him, like me. And he was funny! Some might call it childish, but…

Maybe it was stupid for me to recover from my rejection so quickly. Maybe I should have brooded longer, held onto the hurt more fiercely. But, I’ve always been one to let things go quickly. It means people stay around longer, when you don’t hold wrongs against them…

I slept restlessly that night. Not because of any problem, now. But because I was just so excited for our date tomorrow!

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