1.5: Striking Out

03-19-16_3-09-09 PM

Jane: “Good morning, Jimmy! Good morning, delicious hot dog! Good morning, substandard plumbing! Isn’t today a wonderful day?”

I awoke that morning in high spirits. I hadn’t slept so well since I left the government home! Even though it was just an air mattress, it was so much better than that horrible log.

Even though I felt good, I was still starting to feel the effects of not having had much fun. So, instead of continuing to mope around my house (it had started to feel more like a house than a hovel, now that the walls were painted), I headed to the library. Even though the crowds always got to me, I could hide upstairs this time, where people hardly ever went, a read a good book.

As I walked to the library, I contemplated my new-found sense of comfort. It wasn’t huge progress, the purchasing of a bed and the painting of walls, but it was definitely a step in the right direction. I could do this. And maybe, by the end of it all, I could have a home I could be proud of. A home I could bring a family into, a husband, a life. I couldn’t wait.

With a good deal of confidence, despite the crowd I knew awaited me, I walked into the library.

03-19-16_3-13-47 PM

Jane: “Ah. Such a great start to the day!”

I could think of nothing that could shake my confidence today. I was too high on life, on a full night’s rest, on a good book, on the beauty of the library. Even when Dana Johnson came and stared me down, trying to intimidate me into leaving my seat, I could do nothing but smile. I didn’t get even a little tense.

03-19-16_3-13-59 PM

Dana: “Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave.”

Jane: “Not today, Dana! Nothing can bring me down today!”

Lucas Dark and the Increasingly Unlikely Series of Coincidences was such a good book, I just could not put it down until I had read it to the end. To this day, it remains one of my favorites.

Once I had finished, I saw no reason not to go downstairs to do a little writing. I was already here, so why not?

I chose to write a little poetry today. Something new, something fresh. Maybe it would give me a bit of an edge where it came to royalties-anything higher than 3 simoleons a day would be an improvement.

03-19-16_3-19-02 PM

Celestial Pillow Fight: Are pillows in heaven filled with bird feathers or angel feathers?

…I thought I was deep back then.

In any case, I had every intention of finishing the book of poetry. But I was just so happy. I was restless with it. I couldn’t stay in this library, writing a book of poems (no matter how good I thought they were). I needed to do something exciting. Something daring. And, I was feeling far less heartbroken about the rejection from Deandre…

I would go to the bar.

But first, a pee.

03-19-16_3-20-53 PM

Jane: “Again, Enrique??? What is wrong with you?!?!”

Enrique was such a perv back then.

Slightly less confident after that embarrassment (it’s awfully hard to recover after someone walks in on you peeing), I walked over to the Snakehole Lounge. On the way, I decided to change into something more appropriate. I insisted to myself that I wasn’t looking for the attention of a man; but, if someone happened to be interested in me….

Like I said, Janie. I was lonely. If most any man had expressed interest in me, I probably wouldn’t have said no.

03-19-16_3-24-29 PM

Darion: “Hey there, pretty lady.” *winkwink*

And, unfortunately, I do mean any man.

03-19-16_3-24-39 PM

Jane: *giggle* “Hi, Darion. Are you having a nice night?”

Luckily for the both of us (you never know, he could have been your father Janie-oh, don’t ‘ewww’ at me, I probably wouldn’t have gone that far. Probably.) Darion left Snakehole pretty quickly.

03-19-16_3-26-43 PM

Jane: “Byyyyye Darion!”

03-19-16_3-26-45 PM

Darion: “So long, darlin!”

Horrid little hot dog thief. How I forgot about that indignity, I will never know.

I left Snakehole pretty quickly after that, too. It wasn’t exactly the “hopping” place to be, you know? More of a elder’s-lounge kind of vibe.

03-19-16_3-27-23 PM

Jane: “…why are there so many elders here… so manyyyy… Are they talking about menopause-related constipation?! I’m out!”

Still interested in finding a man-friend for the evening, I made my way to the Blue Velvet Night Club. Perhaps they would have a little more going on for people my age.

And, lo and behold, who should I meet there but Darion Fuchs! Again!

03-19-16_3-30-02 PM

Jane: “Hey stranger! Long time, no see!”

This time, Darion didn’t have to rush off and leave. We actually got into having a conversation. Within the first few minutes, I learned he was quite the hot-head. And, judging by the way he kept rubbing a napkin over the drink rings on the counter, he was pretty neat. The both of us seemed to be having a grand time!

03-19-16_3-31-55 PM

Jane: “I just love writing, you know?”

03-19-16_3-34-57 PM

Jane: “And this one time, I was playing hide and seek with my foster sister, Lila…”

03-19-16_3-35-07 PM

Jane: “Do you like frogs? I LOVE frogs.”

03-19-16_3-36-42 PM

Darion: “You talk a lot.”

I liked him. He seemed to like me. AND he was single. That was one of the first things I asked. But were we compatible??? I tried a small flirt.

03-19-16_3-36-48 PM

Darion: “Aw, shucks, ma’am.”

03-19-16_3-36-49 PM

Darion: “You’re not bad yourself.”

He didn’t run away!! That was good enough for me! I was ready to lay on the heavy flirtation, but then-

He left. Again. Didn’t so much as hug me goodbye.

As we know, Janie, that was so much for the better. But at the time, I was pretty bummed. It was a rejection if I had ever heard one, to leave in the middle of a conversation. How could I move past it?? Two rejections in as many days??

03-19-16_3-40-07 PM

Jane: “Hey there, handsome.”

Don: “Hey. How you doin?”

I couldn’t stay down for long.

Don was handsome. Far more handsome that Darion. And he was an athlete. Far more impressive that Darion’s “well…. I’m guess I’m in between jobs right now?? Have been since high school…”

Don had all the moves. So good looking. So flirtatious. And, thank the Creator, he was SINGLE (I’m slightly ashamed to admit it’s one of the first things I asked.

We danced.

03-19-16_3-43-31 PM

03-19-16_3-43-34 PM

03-19-16_3-44-13 PM

I did not have the moves. But Don didn’t seem to mind. He was such a romantic.

03-19-16_3-46-07 PM

He was non-commital, it was true. Just in our light conversation, I could tell he had a fear of commitment. But, maybe, for me?

I confessed my attraction.

03-19-16_3-46-25 PM

Jane: “I wanna have your babies <3”

03-19-16_3-49-28 PM

Don: “Um, say WHAT now?? I don’t think so!!”

What was I doing WRONG?? Two rejections in one night? Three in two days?? Maybe there was just something wrong with me… In shame, I fled the club, confidence dashed. I intended to go straight home, but got side tracked by some leftover franks and beans that someone had left out from their picnic.

03-19-16_3-53-45 PM

Jane: “I am such a wreck… Why would anyone want me?”

I felt like scum, like the lowest of the low. In a fit of despair, I couldn’t bring myself to go back to my apartment. I went to the library instead, and wrote the last bits of Celestial Pillow Fight. If you read it, you’ll probably note that the second half is a good bit darker than the first.

03-19-16_3-59-41 PM

“And their tears splashed against the ground, dashed on the rocks just like their hopes and dreams…”

03-19-16_4-03-42 PM

Jane: “I feel like the most unloveable person in the world right now…”

I went to bed.

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